So, it is 4:13 am in the morning as I sit here and type this. I have not gone to sleep at all, not a wink. My mind is racing with thoughts. That’s my fault because I forgot to take my damn mood stabilizers. They also help me sleep. Just imagine having a thousand TVs on all at once. You can’t focus on just one. You’ll focus on maybe two or three but not all them. That’s how it feels inside of my head. Now, the fun part is that I have to be up by six to get the girls and me ready. Today will be filled with lots of coffee and going out for fresh air. I don’t know I feel kind of wired. Tonight I will not forget to take it, because I can’t be up all night long like this again.
I guess the main things that are on my mind are ways to improve myself at work and at home. I have been doing the same things for way to long and expecting different results. Insanity. I’ve been reading on a few sights and I’m planning on reading a few self help books, I’m also looking for other ways other than excising to help combat this bipolar depression. I’m still looking for help, but at least all I can say is at least I am not depressed.
Here are the consequences of me being on the mania side of my bipolar depression: I have debt up to my eyeballs. I am a free spender. Most things that I buy are not for me. They are for other people. Every now and again, I will buy things for me, but for the most part I buy things for my friends and for my kids. After I blow a few thousand, I remember the important things. Yes my bills do get paid….just never on time. I really need to find a way to stop this. Right now I’m waiting on my tax money so that I can get myself paid up for the next few months so that I can learn how to curb my spending.
Soon I will be on back on the right track. I will be blogging all the things that go on with me so that I can learn what my triggers are. When I figure out all of my triggers, I then will have a better understanding of myself and how to deal with things when I feel a flare up coming on.
I still can’t believe I have not been to sleep yet.
My messy Lyfe 